Ten Things I Would Do if I Didn't Start Federal Work Monday

So after a month of brain-numbing entropy, I have very little (save a short-lived-but-surely-wonderful visit to the southern end of Virginia) to show for it. However, on the 9th of May, when I moved from my lovely room in college to my less-lovely room in a city nearby, I promised myself that I would do something worthwhile, and now, I hope that writing about what I could have done will count as doing something. After all, if recent studies show that people on placebo diet pills can lose weight merely by thinking really, really hard (I think the study's referenced in this episode!), then how hard can it be for me to do something just by being extra, extra meta about it?


10. I would sharpen my vast array of Dixon Ticonderoga #2 pencils to a very sharp point, which always inspires me to write. I don't know why, but it's only this brand, and it's only when they're very sharp, on certain kinds of paper (I'm really picky) but I just get really inspired to pull out my sketchbook and finish that graphic novelita I started so many years ago...


9. I would categorize my iTunes just the way I like it, so that all my Jangly Indiepop is in its appropriate playlist, and if that happens to overlap with my Covers and Remixes playlist, I would make a separate Jangly Indie Covers playlist to accommodate it. Yes, I am that anal about music. I have 30,00 songs of almost every genre, and counting. I like knowing what I listen to. More importantly, I would clear out that damn "'90's music" folder that iTunes gives me automatically, since the so-called "Smart Playlist" never really puts real 90's music on there- just terrible covers of songs that may have once been played in the 90's. Or songs from the 90's that I don't much care for, like anything by Lenny Kravitz. You're a very pretty man, but I'd prefer not to.

8. I would become well-versed (who am I kidding, plain old versed would work, too) in teh interwebs. I would get a profile, or whatever it is you get, on 4chan, and be super awesomezor5, and make up memes, and all my friends who like computers would be in awe, and my boyfriend would genuflect before my supreme computer prowess.

7. I would buy more candles. My room smells like apple pie, currently, but there appears to be a secret cache of socks somewhere, and I am only just finding out socks' power to be the potpourri of stank. So when I run out of pie-candles, my room may be stuck smelling like just-washed Haneses.

6. I would throw one of those totally awesome high-school parties that I never really had in high school, because I hated everyone I went to high school with. Wait. I still do. Never mind. I would probably just buy a hookah, and some of that hookah-tobacco goop, and play some old tantric records, and amuse my own damn self.

5. I would play dress-up with my mom's old clothes from the 70's. I found some serious peasant-shirtage going down in a box when I was cleaning my basement last week, and have been itching to get into full Sonny-and-Cher disguise and try these babies out with my big platform go-go boots.

4. Read all the books sitting by my bed. Let me tell you something about me. I love books. I always have at least 5 by my bed, and am capable of starting a book while still reading another. Therefore, I go through a lot of books, since I cycle through about three in an average week, and hate re-reading a book I don't love. So I just put a bunch of new books by my bed. A memoir by the ex-curator of the Met, "The Name of the Rose" which I've always wanted to read and never have, "The Baron in the Trees" by Italo Calvino, and "Exit the King" by Ionesco, to name a few. And I really want to read these. But now that I'm employed, I won't have the time, chances are, or the brain energy.

3. Become one of those super-hip blogger girls. Yes, this is meta. But I want to be one of those girls who can sit in a cafe, and wonder insouciently: "how the hell can I drink my venti-not-large mocha-toffee-chino-latte-with-cinnaNut-spriklinis while still blogging about how hot my shoes are, and also about politics?" I am just not that cool (for evidence, look at previous lists.) I did read this really cool book about Robert Rauschenberg,in a cafe, though.

2. I would find a way to register for this.

1. I would pick up my guitar, for the first time in a month, and play something.

Entropically, employedly, elegiacally, and beating-self-over-the-head-ingly yours.
DG, out.