...of the most awesome dye jobs ever. As a recent owner of Little-Mermaid-hued locks (self-inflicted, too, I add with some smugness) I have devoted this entry to:
THE TOP TEN BEST DYE JOBS EVER
10) Clementine in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"- Kate Winslet plays this cocaine-doer who meets her at-one-point man during a meet-cute train conversation about the naming of hair dyes. Her own hair vacillates in color rapidly throughout the film, too, even turning the orange that her name would suggest at one point.
9) Ramona Flowers in "Scott Pilgrim"- This subspace-traveling Amazon.ca delivery girl has the most amazing sense of style of any comic-book girl I've ever visually encountered. As well as coveting her amazing round purse, I also drool lustfully over her turquoise-then-purple-but-sometimes-other-things hair. Thanks, Brian Lee O'Malley, you make me break so many commandments.
8) Rose Walker in "Sandman"- This girl, who otherwise is a somewhat tabula-rasa heroine, traveling through the bizarro world of Gaiman's "A Doll's House" (Sandman volume 2? I think so) shows her true colors, as it were, in her rainbow-colored hair. (I was torn between Rose and Delirium, but since the Endless' hair is half-gone, I went with Rose.)
7) Gwen Stefani on the "Return of Saturn" tour- This girl was a role model for me as a tween/early teen. My pop-culture deprived childhood gave way to an over saturated Middle School career, in which I devoured all pop culture, even the -GASP- like, totally outdated nineties force of nature that is Gwen Stefani. (I don't care what you say, readers, she peaked with this tour.) Gwen, with her Kool-aid hair, doing pushups onstage to "Don't Speak," was everything I want to be. And still do, a bit, but minus the crappy solo career and tacky forays into design.
6) Rosy-Fingered Dawn in "the Odyssey"- Okay, I know it's a bit of a reach, but if Homer says she has pink fingers, I think that's pretty cool. Eos, you might just be the coolest non-hair dye job on this list.
5) Georgia Nicholson in "Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging"- So this was the go-to guilty-pleasure reading of my Middle and High School years. But the cool thing about this Britchick is that she dyes her hair bright red SO SHE CAN DRESS UP AS THE PIMENTO OF A STUFFED OLIVE. Good show, old bean. Good show.
4) Enid Coleslaw in "Ghost World"- Dan Clowes' uber-creepy anti-heroine turns many off with her deadpan and creepers-heavy style. However, a high-school-hating child like myself fell in love with her take-no-crap approach to graduation, and the fake nostalgia surrounding it. Also, her black hair, which she then dyed lizard-green. Most righteous.
3) Claire Danes on "My So-Called Life"- I hit her around the time I hit Gwen Stefani, and she was one of the main reasons I dyed mine red the first time. My parents reacted in a similar way, too.
2) The Joker in "The Killing Joke" - So, this was an unintentional dye job, but by far, the most badass transformation, for lack of a better turn of phrase. This incarnation of the Joker, while distasteful to a lot of hardcore fans for giving him a backstory, also manages to add EXTREME PATHOS (said in the pro-wrestler voice) to the King of Comedy by making his transformation look like the descent of an everyman, as opposed to the random occurrence of pure evil. Also, green hair. I like (see: Enid Coleslaw.)
1) Tyra Banks, at all times- I harbor the belief that under her wig, this woman is bald as the proverbial eight-ball. But she has amazingly well-dyed wigs and weaves, for someone that is essentially a menopausal Gila Monster that happened to have wandered into a Dior Gown.
Off to copy encyclopedia entries for the Red-Headed League!
DG, out!
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Life is like a Box of Chocolates....
but having a shitty job is like being metaphorically lactose-intolerant.
So here's the list of the Top Ten Successful Employment-Free Things:
10) Shangri-La - From the novel "Lost Horizons," this mythic land presents a place where nobody has cares, hierarchies, OR A JOB. It makes the high-altitude trek beyond worth it.
9) The Ideal Soviet Republic- So, now I come to the loophole in my title, comrades. I said "employment-free" and this applies, since technically, the state isn't just your employer, but also your life! (In our decadent Western society, work only tries to do this. Take note, and move to the gulag, oh bosses of mine.)
8) "The Wind in the Willows"- my beloved kids' book only features animals who have inherited manors and wealth (Toad) or else build their own houses from scratch (Moley and Badger) but don't seem to have any jobs. All they do is mess about in boats. Then again, this might be why I like it so much.
7) The people in Decemberists' songs- with the exception of a few characters, like Billy Liar, the chimbley sweep, the husband from the Crane Wife cycle, and the mom from Cautionary Song, most characters in Decemberists' songs are unemployed woodsy folk, villains, or ghosts.
6) Batman- He's not an inventor, like Tony Stark. He's not even....well....whatever Clark Kent is. In some iterations, he does minimal things for Wayne Enterprises, but really, his job is a nonprofit for Gotham, which in my book, counts as volunteering. Sucks for you, come tax season, Brucie. I don't think you can get refunds on your Bat Cave.
5) Tyra Banks' sense of dignity- That poor schmuck's been out of work for decades.
4) Mycroft Holmes- he does consulting for commissions (if I have my facts right) but this recluse doesn't go in for regular work.
3) The Narrator of the song "Take this Job And Shove It"- I'm assuming he doesn't, at least not anymore.
2) Hubert Humphrey- As exemplified in this song by Tom Lehrer
1) Romulans- No payment here.
Sorry this entry is so short and sucky, but my job is becoming the Ted Hughes to my Sylvia Plath, which in turn is driving me to a violent downward spiral into Howard Hughes-hood. Check me into the nearest hotel.
DG, out.
So here's the list of the Top Ten Successful Employment-Free Things:
10) Shangri-La - From the novel "Lost Horizons," this mythic land presents a place where nobody has cares, hierarchies, OR A JOB. It makes the high-altitude trek beyond worth it.
9) The Ideal Soviet Republic- So, now I come to the loophole in my title, comrades. I said "employment-free" and this applies, since technically, the state isn't just your employer, but also your life! (In our decadent Western society, work only tries to do this. Take note, and move to the gulag, oh bosses of mine.)
8) "The Wind in the Willows"- my beloved kids' book only features animals who have inherited manors and wealth (Toad) or else build their own houses from scratch (Moley and Badger) but don't seem to have any jobs. All they do is mess about in boats. Then again, this might be why I like it so much.
7) The people in Decemberists' songs- with the exception of a few characters, like Billy Liar, the chimbley sweep, the husband from the Crane Wife cycle, and the mom from Cautionary Song, most characters in Decemberists' songs are unemployed woodsy folk, villains, or ghosts.
6) Batman- He's not an inventor, like Tony Stark. He's not even....well....whatever Clark Kent is. In some iterations, he does minimal things for Wayne Enterprises, but really, his job is a nonprofit for Gotham, which in my book, counts as volunteering. Sucks for you, come tax season, Brucie. I don't think you can get refunds on your Bat Cave.
5) Tyra Banks' sense of dignity- That poor schmuck's been out of work for decades.
4) Mycroft Holmes- he does consulting for commissions (if I have my facts right) but this recluse doesn't go in for regular work.
3) The Narrator of the song "Take this Job And Shove It"- I'm assuming he doesn't, at least not anymore.
2) Hubert Humphrey- As exemplified in this song by Tom Lehrer
1) Romulans- No payment here.
Sorry this entry is so short and sucky, but my job is becoming the Ted Hughes to my Sylvia Plath, which in turn is driving me to a violent downward spiral into Howard Hughes-hood. Check me into the nearest hotel.
DG, out.
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