Life is like a Box of Chocolates....

but having a shitty job is like being metaphorically lactose-intolerant.

So here's the list of the Top Ten Successful Employment-Free Things:

10) Shangri-La - From the novel "Lost Horizons," this mythic land presents a place where nobody has cares, hierarchies, OR A JOB. It makes the high-altitude trek beyond worth it.

9) The Ideal Soviet Republic- So, now I come to the loophole in my title, comrades. I said "employment-free" and this applies, since technically, the state isn't just your employer, but also your life! (In our decadent Western society, work only tries to do this. Take note, and move to the gulag, oh bosses of mine.)

8) "The Wind in the Willows"- my beloved kids' book only features animals who have inherited manors and wealth (Toad) or else build their own houses from scratch (Moley and Badger) but don't seem to have any jobs. All they do is mess about in boats. Then again, this might be why I like it so much.

7) The people in Decemberists' songs- with the exception of a few characters, like Billy Liar, the chimbley sweep, the husband from the Crane Wife cycle, and the mom from Cautionary Song, most characters in Decemberists' songs are unemployed woodsy folk, villains, or ghosts.

6) Batman- He's not an inventor, like Tony Stark. He's not even....well....whatever Clark Kent is. In some iterations, he does minimal things for Wayne Enterprises, but really, his job is a nonprofit for Gotham, which in my book, counts as volunteering. Sucks for you, come tax season, Brucie. I don't think you can get refunds on your Bat Cave.

5) Tyra Banks' sense of dignity- That poor schmuck's been out of work for decades.

4) Mycroft Holmes- he does consulting for commissions (if I have my facts right) but this recluse doesn't go in for regular work.

3) The Narrator of the song "Take this Job And Shove It"- I'm assuming he doesn't, at least not anymore.

2) Hubert Humphrey- As exemplified in this song by Tom Lehrer

1) Romulans- No payment here.

Sorry this entry is so short and sucky, but my job is becoming the Ted Hughes to my Sylvia Plath, which in turn is driving me to a violent downward spiral into Howard Hughes-hood. Check me into the nearest hotel.
DG, out.